"Mom, I Love You!"

It was an early dawn November morning when I heard my sister say, "You all come and get her." The words faded away into the thin air as well as my sister's foot steps. I listened for the door to close behind her, and it did. My sister spoke those words as she left my mother's comfort hospital room to go to smoke her cigarette. The bathroom door was half closed. I stood there in the bathroom with my right hand on the bathroom sink for support.

"Don't be so quick to put my mother in the grave," I thought to my self. I stood there frozen as I looked at myself in the mirror. At that moment, I did not know whether or not to try to put my make-up on or not. I just stood there and gazed at myself.

"My mother is dying ," I thought to myself. I looked down to the bathroom sink. I stopped. I listened for the sound of my mother's heavy continuous breathing for life, from where, she laid. There was no heavy breathing of the rhythm of sound. It was very quiet. It almost seemed as if my mother was in healthy state of being. I walked out of the bathroom. The bathroom had become to be a safe zone in my mind; nevertheless, I walked over to the left side foot of my mother's hospital bed. I stood there while the morning light shined through the windows. It was a soft bright light to chase away the darkness. The 'comfort room' as it was called in the hospital was a place for my mother to be comfortable in her final moments. It was a large sized comfort room equipped with two black leather chairs, one black leather sofa, and two ends tables with lamps. There were two 25" color flat televisions parallel on the walls. They were mounted high up to the ceiling to accommodate both sides of the large room. CNN seemed to be the news on the flat television screens. The living room sitting area felt like home. The other side of the room is where my mother lay in the hospital bed. Next to the hospital bed, there was a lounge chair in front of the wide windows. The wide mahogany oak chest closet was positioned off to the foot of the bed against the wall. There was walking space between the foot of the hospital bed and the wide mahogany oak chest closet. There were other tables equipped with medical supplies at hand. The room was of grace and elegance. It presented a touch of dignity in the room.

I looked over to my mother. There was no movement or continuous heavy breathing. I walked over to the sitting area of the comfort hospital room. The sitting area suddenly felt to be filled with others, but how could that be when it was just me and my mother in the entire room? There was certainly no appearance of any kind. It was just a feeling I had.

"My mother is dying," I thought to myself and I did not know how I should be or act. I paced up and down the sitting area floor. I contemplated whether I should sit or stand. I did not know how I should be. I sat down on the black leather couch. I immediately stood back up. My mother's bed seemed so far away from the sitting area at the time. For that moment, I wanted to be even closer to her.

"My mother is dying," was the phase that went through my mind again.

"Should I wait for my sister to return back from smoking her cigarett, or should I put on my make-up and hope for another ordinary day?" I thought to my self. I rapidly put my hand up to my face not wanting to bear the reality of what was happening or what was to happen.

"I never had a mother die before," I thought to myself. I imagined hearing the laughter of the crowd.

"Who has!" I imagined someone said.

"You all leave my baby alone," I imagined my mother said.

"Mom, are you going to die?" I said as I walked closer to her bedside. Still there was no heavy breathing or movement from my mother.

"Mom," I said out loud.

"Mmmm?" my mother said. For that moment, my mother sounded to be perfectly all right.

I knew then that I had her attention for that final moment. I did not want to say any thing that I had not giving much of thought.

"I love you," I said.

"Just because I took care of your son," I imagined my mother saying.

"No, because you cared and loved me," I said.

My mother smiled with a loving smile, and then she turned her head to her right shoulder preparing herself as she fell off into a deep silent sleep. I knew then that my mother went into a deep sleep that the Bible speaks.

I called the nurse's desk from my mother's bed. I pressed the long white cord button.

"Yes'sss?" the nurse said.

"My mother passed," I said. I thought for a moment how much my mother disliked the word 'passed' for a deceased one.

"My mother is no long living," I quickly said.

"She not ...?" the nurse said, "We will be right there."

"Okay," I said. I looked at my mother she seemed to be smiling. She was. I told her I loved her.

Two nurses walked in the room leaving the hospital room door wide open. One was a tall medium size woman with curly hair. The other nurse was a short woman with brown reddish hair. She looked as though she knew all there was to know about nursing. They both wore nursing colorful printed tops with regulated white pants and shoes. They surrounded my mother bed. While looking at their watches, they checked her wrist and heart for any sign of life. They looked at one another and agreed that there were no sign of life. They looked at me, and then they shook their heads from one side to the other slowly.

"What wrong, Momma?" my sister said as she walked in the room closer to my mother's bed. I turned quickly to see her as she walked in the room. The hospital room door was partially open behind her.

"Yes, she just left," I said to my sister. We gave each other a comfort hug.

"I am sorry," the nurse said together. Each of the nurses gave us a hug, and then they quietly walked out of the room. They closed the door behind them.

My sister immediately swung into action preparing my mother. She rolled up a white towel and put it under her chin and chest, and then let our mother's bed back to a flat position. With in minutes, my mother looked amazing. My mother's skin was smooth as a new born baby. She had a brightness of happiness that glowed. She looked beautiful, the beauty that only a natural death provides.

I knew that she held on as long as she could possibly hold on. I also knew that my mother had a special relationship with each of her seven children, and that she was a good mother to us all. I told her everyday that I loved her not only by saying, but by my own actions as well.

"I love you," I said as I leaned over my mother. I looked and smiled as her, and then I kissed her forhead. I felt the coolness of her forehead on my lips.

True Story 12/2007

"The Fear Of Success"

It is never easy to attain something that is so worth while!

The fear of challenges, the unknowns, and the unexpectedness are mental failues.

One can succeed by taking one challenges at a time!

The unknowns are dealt with by taking the punches and the bruises!

And the unexpectedness is dealt with by going around the wall!

How can the sweet smell of success have the scent of fear?

Because of the nature of its beauty!

"A Clear Understanding Of Love!"

It was a warm afternoon in the attic just to look for any and everything with a clear understanding of nothing.
"I like him though, but he wants me to like him much more than that," Jennifer thought to herself as she looked in the mirror combing her dark brown medium lenght hair. She stood in front of a large long wide antique wooden frame mirror smoothing down the over size wrinkle cotton brown and white small printed flowers dress, she wore just for comfort.
"My legs are so long and skinny," Jennifer said aloud to herself as she stared in the mirror at them. "Wow, why did Dad let Mom buy all of this antique artifact from all around the world, and now they all rest in this attic."
Jennifer picked up a lamp and looked at it carefully admiring the dedicate glass tear drops from side to side. She placed the lamp back on the dull peeling painted table and picked up her parents' wedding framed picture off of the table.
"I like coming up here," Jennifer thought. "I can think better. I like talking to mom, but sometime, I already known what she is going to say." Jennifer stared out into space.
"These are some really nice things that I would like to have if and when I should get married," Jennifer thought to herself as she walked over to sit in the rocking chair. "Next June, I'll be seventeen, but that is still too young according to Mom." Jennifer lay back in the rocking chair as she rocked. She leaned over to her right side and picked up an artificial yellow rose off the wooden floor. She looked at it, and then sniffed it as though it was a real rose.
"When I get married it is going to be a very special night for me and my future husband. Mom always said to be a good girl. I am a good girl. I am not a loose woman. I not going to haul myself over to a man whom I am not marry to yet. It is my belief and faith to do just that," Jennifer thought as she suddenly raised out of the rocking chair. "I can't do that I mustn't do that. Oh, leave me alone. Why am I even thinking of this," Jennifer said out loud to herself as she walked over to the small attic window. "It is still day light outdoors."
Jennifer walked over to the light switch near the door and flicked it on. She picked up the fashion magazine off the table near the door. She glanced through the magazine as she bend her knees to sit down on the stained rug on the floor. She flicked the pages with her fingers quickly. She stopped and stared at the ad of a woman advertising pefume.
"He said that he like my perfume the other day at the mall when I saw him there. He even wanted to know the name of the perfume that I wore," Jennifer thought. "He wants us to be more than just friends, but I'm only sixteen. I don't want to be his girlfriend in that way," Jennifer turned the magazine pages quickly and faster not to give into what she though. "He said that he wants to take me out sometimes and that he will call me when he think that I am ready. I like him very much, but he makes it so hard for me to do what is right. I much respect myself. What he wants to do should only be done by married couples."
Jennifer reached up to the table and turns on the radio a soft calm music heard throughout the attic. Jennifer stared into space thinking of the time when she had lunch with Dan in the school cafeteria.
"Jennifer have you ever been kissed?" Dan asked.
"No, never."
"No, never?" Dan asked as he laughed. "And why not?"
"I don't know."
"Would you like to be kiss?" Dan asked as he reached across the lunch table and took her hand into his hand.
"No," Jennifer said as she snatched away her hand holding her hands together.
Dan laughed for a few minute, and then he looked straight at Jennifer. Jennifer was still holding her hands together, and she looked back straight at Dan.
"I guess it would be pointless to ask you have you ever been with a guy before?" Dan said as he looked into Jennifer's big brown eyes.
"Are you kidding me? I saving myself for marriage," Jennifer said.
"Marriage? How do you know that you will ever get marry, girl," Dan said as he got closer to the edge of his chair.
"I know."
"But how do you know?" Dan asked.
"Because, he will be the right one for me."
"How do you know he is the right one for you?" Dan asked as he waited for an answer.
"All right, he will know as well as I not to have sex until we are marriage. That's how I will know. I wouldn't have to explain to him. He will already know to wait until marry, and that is the right thing to do. I have to go to class, I see you later," Jennifer thought to herself as she remembered that day in the school cafeteria.
Jennifer heard the telephone rang from a distance and jumped.
"I'll get it," Jennifer said as she ran to through the doorway of the attic into the hallway.
"Hello," Jennifer said.
"Hello Jennifer, are you ready?" Vicki said.
No, I am not ready, and I won't be ready until after I get married.
"Ugh?" Vicki said. Do you want to go to the movie tonight our entire cheerleaders squad will be there."
"Oh Vicki, I forgot about that. I had other things on my mind," Jennifer said as she reached to close the attic door.
"Guess what?"
"What Vicki?"
"Your football hero is dating, Susan."
"I don't care." Jennifer said as she hung up the telephone. " I only want to please God if I can. I don't want to be some boy play thing before we can say, 'I do,'" Jennifer thought to herself as she stared out into space again.

12/10/2008
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"The Salon Of Beauty!"

It is a early Saturday wet April spring morning. The rain stops. Karen glances over to her car digital clock. She sees it is now 10:00 am.

"I am late again," says Karen to herself as she picks up her cell phone from the top of her large brown handbag. She dials and listens to the rings.

"Hello, Helen Beauty Salon," says the receptionist.

"Hello, may I speak with Helen please," says Karen as she looks straight out of her windshield while she sits on the driver side of her car.

"Hello," says Helen.

"Hello, this is Karen."

"Karen, what happening? I am waiting for you!"

"I am coming Helen, but I am running late this morning."

"Okay Karen, but I am going to have to charge you a little more because I have a tight schedule today, sorry girl."

"Okay Helen, I have to find a parking space. I'll see you soon. Bye,"says Karen as she folds up her cell phone and tosses it in her handbag.

Karen drives around, and she sees a parking space a short distant down the street from Helen's Beauty Salon. She pulls up close to the side of the car that is in front of the open space. She stops and puts the car in "R" gear for reverse.

She turns her head toward the back to look out of the rear window. She turns the steering wheel toward the right and backs back slowly until she is closer to the curb in the middle of the two cars. She stops and leans forward to her car radio. She turns it down as she sings along low to her favor tune. She puts the gear in "D" for drive. She drives forward then she puts the gear in "R" for reverse. She backs back slowly and then she puts the gear back in "D" for drive. She drives forward again directly behind the car that is parked in front of her car. She looks in the rearview mirror to adjust the candy apple red scarp on her head which the shape of color matches her car. She gets out of the car and stretches her long legs. She shuts and locks her car door. She walks down the street to the beauty salon.

"Hello everyone," says Karen as she walks in the salon and waves at the receptionist.

The receptionist waves back and moves her hand in a check mark motion on her appointment book with a golden yellow pencil.

"Hi Karen, have a sit here, says Helen.

"I finally got here," says Karen.

Helen prepares Karen hair to relax with a hair relaxer. "I be right back. Would you like a magazine," says Helen as she walks away and leaves Karen sitting in the chair.

"No, thank you, I'll be all right," says Karen.

Karen waits for Helen to return and wait. Karen wiggles in the chair from one side to the other uncontrollably while she fans her scalp with both of her hands in swift moments.

"Are you all right Karen?" Helen ask.

"Get it out," says Karen, "It's burn my scalp."

Karen gets up from the chair walks over the sink area of the beauty salon. She sits down on the sink chair and leans back. Helen rinses the hair relaxer out of Karen's hair. The water stops running from the faucet.

"What happened to the Water?" Helen asks while she turns the water handle off and on waiting to see the water pour in a rush from the faucet. There is no water not a drip from the faucet. Helen pounds on the faucet with her hands.

"What happen to the water?" says Karen while she pulls out a bill envelope from her purse to fans her scalp.

"I need water," says Helen, "Where is the water? Oh, I forgot!"

"Forgot what?" Karen asks.

"I forgot that the plumber is here working on the pipe," says Helen.

Karen jumps from the chair trying not to touch her head with hands up in the air. Karen walks over to the faucet pounding on the water faucet. Karen fans her scalp. Karen looks around the beauty salon. She opens the cooler. She sees a larger unopened water bottle. She struggles to open the water bottle.

"Wait a minute you can't use that," says Helen.

"Just watch me," says Karen, "How do I open this thing? Help Helen! This hair relaxer is burning my scalp!"

Karen snatches a bottle of water from a customer in a chair as the customer reaches up to her mouth to take a drink of water with the bottle in her right hand.

"What are you doing?" the customer asks.

"What do you think?" Karen asks as she leans over the wash sink pouring the water over her head. Karen's jumps up and down trying to find comfort.

"What the matter?" the plumber asks as he walk in the beauty salon with his tools belt fasten to his waist.

"There's no water?" says Helen as she tries to turn the water on but with no success. "Turn the water back on."

"I told you that the water will be back on in twenty minutes," the plumber says as he runs out of the beauty salon.

"I just remember!" says Karen as she jumps to her feet. "I stopped by the grocery store to buy a few things on my way here!" Karen grabs her handbag and heads for the door.

"Where are you going?" Helen asks.

"The trunk of my car!" says Karen as she runs out of the beauty salon door. Helen and the other ladies follow her out the door and down the street to Karen's car. Karen opens the trunk of her car. She tears the plastic cover off the case of water. She grabs and opens a bottle and the other ladies did the same. They pour bottles of water over Karen's head until there appears to no be more hair relaxer on Karen's hair.

Helen assists with the water pouring on Karen's scalp. Helen pats dry Karen's hair with a towel. She gently tries not disturb Karen's scalp with hasty pressure.

"Ugh now that feels better," says Karen as everyone pours water on her head rinsing all of the hair relaxer out of Karen's hair on the street.

"This hairdo is on the house," says Helen.

"I should hope so," says Karen as she walks back to the beauty salon.

Karen sits back down in the same beauty salon chair.

"The water is back on!" says the plumber as he runs in the beauty salon swinging the door wide open.

"Good!" says Helen as she combs Karen's hair gently.

"I don't want to ever go through that again," says Karen as she gets up from the chair and walks toward the door. She opens the door. The rains starts to pour down from the sky. Karen stands in the doorway. She looks up to the sky than she looks at the people who are running for cover out of the pouring rain. Karen and Helen look at each other and give in to laugher.



11/18/2008

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"A Short Ride Of Forgiveness!"

       "I hope I didn't miss the bus," Vanessa thought to herself.  It was a clear sunny day.  The sun was glowing off her skin.  She looked and saw the bus coming down the street.  Vanessa ran to the bus stop practically out of breath at record speed.  The bus slowed down and made a complete stop.  She took money out of her purse for bus fare.  Two ladies, who were waiting for the bus, stood in front of Vanessa.  They got on the bus.  Vanessa stepped on the bus while she reached to pay her fare. 

     "Hi," Vanessa said to the bus driver while she looked at his shinny bald head.

     "Hello", the bus driver said back to her as he leaned forward while he closed the bus doors behind Vanessa.

     "Excuse me," Vanessa said as she walked down the aisle.  Vanessa saw a vacant seat and walked toward it. 

     "Excuse me!  May I sit there please," Vanessa said as she pointed to the seat with the window next to the man.  Vanessa squeezed by the man who stopped reading his newspaper for her to be seated.  She found herself seated behind two ladies who got on the bus before her.

     "I saw him with this woman in Macy's department store in the mall yesterday," one of the ladies said as she turned from the other lady and looked out of the window of the bus, and then she turned back around to the other lady.

     "I thought he had it all together," the lady continued.

     "Where did they get those combed back hair styles?  They have no sense of style," Vanessa thought to herself as she looked at the back of the two ladies heads.

     "All I ever wanted was a good man for myself," the other lady said as she pulled up her large big brown handbag closer up to her on her lap.  She sucked on a red Popsicle that seems to melt in her hand on a day like today. 

     "They must be desperate women to hold this kind of conversation on the bus where everyone can hear them," Vanessa thought to herself.  "How desperate is that?" Vanessa continued in her thoughts.

     "He thinks that he is King Kong, and I do mean that in every sense of the name," the lady said as she looked back out of the window of the bus.

     "Some men just are not worth two dead flies," the other lady said as she raised her right hand holding her Popsicle toward her mouth.

     "The only thing a cheating man does is make himself cheap.  He is not worth a plump nickel.  My grandmother used to say," the lady said.  Both of the ladies laughed out loud, and they couldn't seem to stop.

     "Main Street!" the bus driver announced as he looked up into his rearview mirror to see where the disturbance was comming from on the bus, and then he pulled over to the bus stop.

     "That right girl, a cheating man is only cheating himself," the other lady said as she pulled the Popsicle stick out of her mouth.  She leaned forward and then leaned back in her seat on the bus.

     "I received third degree burn on my heart from Tyler's love.  He was mine.  He promised that he would not break my heart, but he did it any old way.  How broken and bruised up my heart was.  I felt like my heart would never heal up, but it did again and again," Vanessa thought to herself as she put her head down.  Her left hand went up toward her head to hold it up in despair.

     "Camille Street!" the bus driver announced.

    "Some men think of their wives like used cars:  a lot full of wives and junkyard of wives," Vanessa continued, They used phrases such as:  I had to get rid of her because I couldn't get anywhere with her, or I had to get rid of her because of that loud mouth of hers.  She talked all of the time about nothing as for as I am concerned."  This was how her uncles used to talk about their wives, Aunt Paula, Aunt Katherine and Aunt Wanda.  Vanessa looked back out of the window of the bus as it rode on.

     "She loves his dirty drawers and those are the drawers he got dirty with the other woman," the other lady said.  Both of ladies laughed out loud again. 

     "Mum, mmm!" the man who seated next Vanessa cleared his throat as he folded up his newspaper and sat up straight in his seat on the bus.  

     "It's true.  He plays women like he plays cards.  He deal'em, call'em and then he plays them all out of turn," the lady said to her friend.

     "Tyler turned on me like Ole' Yellow.  He tried to kill me.  I can't let him hurt me any more.  I'm glad that I left him alone," Vanessa thought to herself. She tried not to remember the pain he afficted upon her as she fought back her watery eyes.  "I can still hear his cold voice and see his face full of pain and hurt as I told him to let me go," she thought to herself even more clearly.

     "You know some relationships is like a three legged horse.  It can't go no where," the lady said to the other lady as they nodded their heads up and down in agreement.

     "I suppose that the reason why they shoot the horse," the other lady said as both of the ladies laughed, "Oh, this is my stop!"

     "Cherry Hill Street!" the bus drive announced.

     The lady who was eating the Popsicle got up from her seat, and she walked toward the front of the bus to exit. 

     "I'm call you later," the lady who was left behind said to her departed friend.  She sat back quietly in her seat and looked out of the window of the bus.

     "Tyler would go out drinking and come back home without a dime left in his pocket after he got paid, and I would be left at home ragged as a used up mop.  Those days are over.  I'll no longer be that type of woman who says to a man, I forgive the dirt you have done me.  Here take my heart again.  Set my heart on aglow with your sweet love.  He left my heart in a casket held up in a slain," Vanessa thought to herself.  She wondered how some men could be so cruel, and some men could be so kind.

     "I'm glad I divorced Tyler two year ago.  Lamar was so kind to me when I met him a year ago, and he is still kind to me.  I almost did not give him a chance, but now I am so glad I did.  He is wonderful to me," Vanessa thought to herself.

     "Palm Street," the bus driver announced.

     "Excuse me," Vanessa said as she got up out of her seat to the man who was still sitting next to her.  Vanessa walked forward to the front of the bus.

     "Thank you!" Vanessa said to the bus driver as she stepped off the bus.
     "I like your smile.  What's your name?" a young man said as he walked up to Vanessa.
    "He looks charming," Vanessa thought to herself.

    "I'm sorry you see.  I all ready gave my heart to the junkman," Vanessa kept walking toward her destination.

     "Why can't some men do the same after they have given their heart to someone special?  Just said no to an additional heart," Vanessa thought.

07/11/2008

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Hello Everyone!

Have a good day, everyone!